The Greatest Gift

The Greatest Gift 

For unto us a child is born,to us a son is given

and the government will be on his shoulders

and he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Christmas is synonymous with gifts. I 'd like to believe that sales are at an all time high during Christmas as families, friends, colleagues and others go all out to give gifts to their loved ones and those who have touched their lives. Employers of labour give their staff bonuses and others reach out to the less privileged with all sorts of gift packs. This is not surprising considering the fact that Christmas is really a celebration of the greatest gift any person can ever receive that is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 9:6-7 and other scriptures tell us some of the characteristics of Jesus that make him the greatest Gift.

 1) Matthew 1:21 says he came to save us from our sins. When we consider the fact that all have sinned and are heading for eternity in hell. We can appreciate the magnitude of God's love and sacrifice in making a way for us to share eternity with Him in heaven. This is only possible if we receive forgiveness of our sins through Jesus who came at Christmas and died as the perfect sacrifice to take our place.

2) Matthew 1:23 says he is Emmanuel God with us and in Matt 28:20 Jesus assured His followers of his continued presence always. What a precious gift to have the King of Kings and Lord of Lords present with us always, at all times and in all circumstances.

3) Isaiah 9:6 calls him the everlasting father. If we understand the true concept of fatherhood we will thank God for this gift. True fathers will do all in their power to care for, provide for and protect their children. Jesus in speaking of fathers said they being evil will not give their children stone instead of bread or a snake instead of fish. In other words if earthly fathers take care of their children how much more God who is committed to giving His children good things. We are not servants but sons with full rights and access to our father. The best part is that this father is the richest, most loving and most powerful one anyone could ask for.

4) Still in Isaiah 9:6  - 7 he is referred to as Mighty God and the increase and peace of his government has no end. In my last post I shared on how God is sovereign. His government has no boundaries or limit. He rules and reigns in all nations and in the lives of all men. Ephesians says we are seated with Him in heavenly places. Because He rules and reigns we are covered and he calls us to establish God 's kingdom on earth with Him.

5) if there is something the world needs more than anything it is peace Isaiah says He is the Prince of peace. How I wish world leaders that strife to find lasting peace will acknowledge Him as the only source and giver of peace. God can give us peace despite the lack of it in our world and life events that threaten to steal our peace. He promises to give us peace that passes all understanding and it's ours for the asking.

You might be wondering how possible it is for you to experience peace because of the challenges you are facing or the loss of your husband or other loved ones. Humanly it might seem impossible but remember when Mary asked the angel how she  could conceive when she didn't know a man.  The angel said the Holy Spirit would come upon her and the power of the Most High will over shadow her for with God nothing shall be impossible Luke 1:34-37 That power that made a virgin to conceive, is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead and is available to give life to every thing that seems dead in your life be it peace,hope,joy,success or anything else. Only accept the greatest gift this season, it's a complete package!

That's why I am excited to wish you Merry Chtistmas!

God is Sovereign

Remember the former things of old;

for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me,

declaring the end from the beginning

and from ancient things not yet done,

saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,

and I will accomplish all my purpose,’

  Isaiah 46: 9 -10

What does it mean to be sovereign? ‘having supreme rank, power or authority, preeminent; Indisputable, greatest in degree; utmost or extreme being above all others in character, importance, excellence, efficacious,; potent. (Dictionary.com). The Merriam- Webster Dictionary defines Sovereign as, ‘superlative in quality; excellent of a most exalted kind; - supreme, of an unqualified nature, having undisputed ascendancy, unlimited in extent: absolute, enjoying autonomy.

Wow! Such beautiful definitions I doubt if there is any human being that qualifies as a sovereign being or who has all these attributes. The definitions show that to be sovereign means to be over and above all, one that can do and undo anything. Such a person is preeminent and indisputable that is above all and unquestionable, unqualified nature to me means having no full understanding of the character and nature of such a one and unlimited in extent means endless. There are human beings who are regarded as sovereign by virtue of their position in life so we hear  phrases like ‘the sovereign ruler or such and such a place’ mostly used in reference to kings, queens, presidents and leaders of countries who no doubt have powers but such powers are limited. For example the Queen of England is only queen in England and while she is respected and acknowledged the world over she cannot decide what happens in other parts of the world and neither can she reign in all parts of the earth. 

In times past Kings had so much power they were often revered as god’s a King like Ahasuerus was so powerful that even his wife could be killed if she went uninvited to him and he didn’t hold out his sceptre to her. In some parts of Nigeria in the olden days if a king saw a woman he liked he could command that she be taken to his palace as wife whether she liked it or not and whether she was married or not. No one including her husband could object. I am tempted to ask where those kings are now. Some were dethroned, others conquered in wars, died of sickness or were killed they couldn’t save themselves, so much for their sovereignty.  The Bible says of our Lord ‘Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end’ He is the eternal God that is our refuge.

I don’t think there is a word that better describes our great God like the word sovereign. He simply rules and reigns over the affairs of men. Without question only God is sovereign, He is Almighty, all knowing, all powerful, deathless, ageless and changeless. As great and mighty as he is He is mindful of us and interested in us. He had in him the power to keep our husbands or loved ones alive but chose to take them home. What He could have stopped in his infinite power He allowed in His infinite wisdom and He asks that we trust Him even in this. The storms and trails of life may knock us over but they can’t knock Him and because He is sovereign He will get us through. The future may seem uncertain but He who used a raven to feed Elijah and filled the widow’s containers with more than enough oil to get her out of debt remains the same. God has not changed and will not change. Nothing comes your way that he can’t handle. As we celebrate God’s greatest gift to man this season be encouraged that the love that took him to the cross and the power that raised him are available to lift you up and take you through a victorious life.

Making Thanksgiving a Choice

Psalm 147:1, 3,7

1    Praise the Lord

     How good it is to sing praises to our God,

    how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

3 He heals the broken hearted  and 

      Binds up their wounds

7.  Sing to the Lord with joyful praise;

      Make music to our God on the harp.

      

As those  in the United States celebrate Thanksgiving this week the concept of a day or time set aside to give thanks resonates with people around the world. In Nigeria most churches have their annual  thanksgiving services and programmes between November and December.  Whatever the case I believe it is good to look back as the year gradually comes to an end and give thanks to God for His blessings this year.

For a widow or someone who has lost a loved one within the year this may be a very difficult time. Is there really anything to be thankful for? Some people who have suffered loss are just coming to terms with their loss and many times don't feel up to all the merriment and excitement. This is understandable and if you are in that place in your grief journey where you can't do thanksgiving or other festivities it is okay and normal. The loss of a loved one is not something you get over easily but thankfully you will eventually get past the shock, nagging pain and grief . 

My advise to people in this situation is not to try to do things or be part of celebrations just because that is the norm. Do what you feel up to and what you can handle. If you want a quiet low key celebration then so be it. But if you think being alone will make it worse you could find out from family or  friends if you can spend sometime with them or invite someone you know might need company over. If you still have children at home,  make sure you involve them in your decisions and plans and also consider what will be best for them and what they would like to do. 

The problem sometimes is that you may be disappointed if someone you ask declines for one reason or the other. The fear of this makes us withdraw from asking. If those you ask cant make it, don't take it personal or think they don't want to be with you.  It might be because they already have something lined up. After being widowed I reached out to some widows knowing they would understand me some responded and we are friends today. 

If you have gone past the one year or two year mark since losing your loved one and you are still struggling with holidays and celebrations especially thanksgiving Its probably because holidays are usually family time so having a family that is not complete is usually difficult but you need to make deliberate efforts and take definite steps towards being able to be part of the holidays and enjoy them.  It then becomes a choice you have to make . A choice to be thankful.  

The hymn writer wrote' count your blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord  has done. ' I can assure you that if you look back to January this year you will find that you have so much to be thankful for. When I am faced with situations where I want to complain and lament I begin to speak out and say things like 'Lord this is hard but You are good, I am struggling with being thankful because I miss my husband so much and i just want him back. But I know you love me and you have been good, I know your thoughts and plans toward me are of good not of evil. Help me Lord to love you and thank you, I am thankful for........' I go on to think of things God has done then thank Him for them. For me it helps get me to a place where I really am grateful. Sometimes I speak through tears but it helps. God has kept my children and I alive and in good health, they are all in school, our bills are being paid, I have family, friends and church folk who have been great. God has shown up in some tight situations so I am truly grateful. Today as the year comes to an end my heart is filled with genuine thanks to my God.

One of the reasons to give thanks in verse 3 of our passage is because God heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. You can give him thanks for that. Thank Him because He will heal your heart. Thank Him in anticipation because you know He will make your  tomorrow alright.  Thanksgiving shifts your focus from your grief or challenges and focuses it on God who is big enough to take care of whatever comes your way. It also touches the heart of God when you can thank Him in the storm and causes  Him to rise up on your behalf to do great things in your life.

Trusting God in Tragedy

Psalms 9:7-10

The Lord reigns forever,he has established His throne for judgement.

He will judge the world in righteousness,

He will govern the peoples with justice.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

A stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord,

have  never forsaken those who seek you.

I had barely settled down  in my office on Monday last week (10th November) when one of my colleagues asked if I had heard that a certain motivational preacher had died. I walked over to him to find out who it was. He was online and there on his computer was the breaking news Dr. Myles Munroe and his wife had been killed in a plane crash on Sunday. A number of their ministry team and the crew also died this includes their youth pastor, his wife,son ad unborn child. I was shocked to say the least. I have never met Dr. Munroe in person but over the years I have been blessed by his books and  messages  on TV so it felt like I knew him. I was saddened at the great loss not just to the body of Christ but the world given the nature  and impact of his ministry. We were still coming to terms with the tragic loss of Dr. Munroe and his team when a crazy demonized terrorist walked into the assembly of a school in Yobe State and detonated a bomb killing himself and about 58 innocent children and injuring many. The town of Mubi had been attacked a few days earlier and residents murdered in cold blood. Before the week ended 2 other suicide bombers killed themselves and others.Then other towns or villages were attacked  by Boko Haram.  All these tragic events within a week!

The nagging question is 'Where is God in all of this and why does He allow so much pain and tragedy? Why should a man like Myles Munroe who dedicated his life to preaching and teaching God's word and who tried to make the world a better place be killed so suddenly and so tragically.  What of the children that went to school that morning and ended up dying so tragically. I think of their parents, those in hospitals battling for their lives and those who  lost limbs.etc. I think of Dr. Munroe's children, family, friends and church and how much grief they are experiencing. My intention is not to paint a gloomy picture and make us feel sad and downcast. Rather to remind us that tragedies are real and they come to one and all at some time in this journey of life. When it comes it is devastating and life altering.

The fact that we are Christians or 'good' doesn't exempt us from tragedy. A look through the Bible will reveal that many who walked with God experienced tragedies and loss. Death is an all time enemy of man. whether it comes early or late in the lives of our loved ones or  if it comes  through accidents, crashes sickness or just cold blood murder it hurts deeply and we regard it as tragic. Worse still the perpetrators of such evil like the bomb attacks seem to go unpunished and they carry out such acts with wanton impunity. This can lead to much pain, anger and bitterness. It brings to mind questions  about life,death , God, faith and trust. Many are tempted to ask if God is still in control and if He is worth trusting. 

Today's scripture offers comfort for times when life doesn't make sense. It assures us that God is a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble.  It says those of us who know him should TRUST Him. Why? Because he has never and will ever forsake those who seek him. To a heart that is broken and grieving this may sound like just talk or religion but it is the truth. Nothing takes God unawares and He loves us and is in control regardless of what life throws at us. He is mindful of our pain and is touched by it.While we may not understand all the evil we see we can trust a just and perfect God to bring us through the tragedies of life including the loss of loved ones. He will  restore us and give us a reason to go on.  Psalm 73 is a good example of the fact that God is mindful of evil and will judge all of it. 

The Bible encourages not to mourn as those without hope this is because death  is not the end. For those who die in Christ they have only gained heaven. Apostle Paul says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Yes the separation is painful but it's not forever we will spend eternity together.  Myles Munroe's son in addressing press conference said death is not final for Christians  and though they grieve they are not hopeless because they know their parents and  the others are with the Lord.  What a glorious hope! Oftentimes we see only the present but  God sees the big picture. Our lives on earth now are less than a fragments of what they will be in eternity. The beauty is that it will be free of death , evil, sorrow and tragedy! Life is a gift that has a time frame attached to it but eternity is endless.

 I can assure you that God is worth trusting in tragedy.  When my husband died so suddenly I thought my life had ended. Today God has brought me a long way.  His work in all areas of my life is amazing. I never thought I would be joyful or life would have meaning but God has done that and more. I admit there  are days I just long for my husband and i still miss him so much.  Other times i struggle with the pain of losing him. But God has been faithful and i have determined to live life to the max doing what God left me here to do so i keep pressing more into God and moving on with life. According to Myles Munroe the greatest tragedy of life is not death but a lack of vision. God is saying something to you even though you have experienced tragedy don't let the vision in your heart die. Everyday you live is for a purpose. If you allow God help you He will use you to walk with others through tragedy  and what a blessing it will be for you and them. God never ends on a negative He always ends on a positive. Look up with hope He sees,He knows,He cares and He brings treasures ad triumph from every tragedy.

An Inheritance for who? 3

So sorry i couldn't post on Monday last week. i was away on a training.

Here's the concluding part of the post. 

You are blessed!

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children …

Proverbs 13: 22a

Is a widow less human than others? Does the loss of a spouse mean the end of a widow’s life? Take it from me; losing your husband does seem like the end. But if a widow can through the help and grace of God work through her grief to a place where she can function well as a member of the society, live a fulfilled life and contribute to her chosen field of endeavour or her community positively should she be stopped? Why must a woman be accused of killing her husband but even if a man physically kills his wife, he is left to go scout free?  Is it because the wife belongs to him she is one of his properties and he can do as he pleases with her? Why must we hold on to the negative and retrogressive customs and beliefs? No wonder Africa is referred to as the ‘Dark Continent’. It’s not about the colour of our skin but the darkness of some of our practices. Why is it okay for a man to wait for his brother’s death so he can inherit? Why shouldn’t he work for his own? When a man gives birth to children shouldn’t he take care of them or make provisions for them? If a man’s brother inherits all he has what of the children that came out of his loins? Why is it not right for a widow or a man’s children inherit what he has but it is okay for a brother and even some distant relation to do so?

The Bible is very clear a GOOD MAN leaves an Inheritance not only for his children but his grand children! Yet many who perpetrate these evils against women call themselves Christians and many have positions and titles in the church. Is it wrong for a man to be man enough to make adequate arrangements for his family’s upkeep? Is it a sin to build your home in your joint names? Should a man exchange vows with a woman before God and man and then fail to cherish, protect and love her? If a man can give his body over and over again to a woman why can he not trust her with his money? She bears his children meets his physical, emotional and social needs and if he dies she has to raise his children all by herself. Knowing this why do men fear taking steps that will leave their families comfortable? No woman marries a man expecting him to die we all want to live with our husbands till old age. The emotional pain and grief a woman go through when her husband dies cannot even be imagined by those who have not passed through it so why afflict her further.

What many fail to realize is that a lot of these women build up whatever the man has together with him, making sacrifices and contributing their own resources, they encourage him, advise him and pray for him. When he doesn’t have they ‘soak garri’ and eat happily yet he places his brother who knows nothing about how the money is made above his wife and children. Even if a man’s brother is a partner in his business he is only entitled to his own share. I make bold to say that sometimes the same people accusing the wives of killing the man are the real culprits and in a bid to clear their tracks they accuse the wife.

Having said all this and asked so many questions I believe I should attempt to answer some of these questions as I bring this three part post to an end. Is it okay to accuse a woman of killing her husband when there is nothing to substantiate such claims? No! Is it okay for a man’s brothers or relations to take all he has when he dies leaving nothing for his wife and children? No! Must a widow live a defeated poverty stricken and sorrowful life as a proof of her innocence and love for her husband? No! Should people insist on clinging to the negative, retrogressive and dehumanizing practice of accusing widows of killing their husbands? No! Should a man make provisions for his family while alive? Yes! Should a wife and children inherit what their husband /father left? Yes! Does a widow deserve to simply live again and make the most of the life God has given her? Yes! Does a woman have value as an individual? Yes! Should she be recognized and allowed to function as a distinct individual created in the image and likeness of God for good works? A definite Yes!

If you have suffered unjustly commit all to God because ‘He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice….’ Deut 10: 18.  Whether you have been a victim of this unfortunate practice or not, each one has a role to play by standing up and speaking out for what is right in our families and communities. The post may have ended for now but my resolve to do whatever I can to put an end to this and other negative practices is strengthened. I hope you will decide not to sit on the fence and let evil thrive but do something. Anything from prayer to being an advocate will count.

An Ineritance for Who? Part 2

An Inheritance for who?  Part 2

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children …

Proverbs 13: 22a

The issue of inheritance is big in Nigeria and I guess its the same in some other parts of Africa as a whole. More often than not when a man dies the issue of who inherits his property or whatever he has left creates tension and feuds between families and in-laws. So big is this issue that many times innocent widows are accused of killing their husbands and are subjected to all kinds of dehumanising rituals and practices to prove their innocence or confirm their guilt. Top of the list is to have widows drink the water the corpse is washed with and if nothing happens to her then she is innocent. For God sake! Common sense should let us know that if the man died of a communicable disease chances are that she can get infected and fall sick or die and then she is accused of murder, really Niaja! In times of diseases like Ebola…hmnn, even if he wasn’t sick drinking water used in washing a corpse is not exactly hygienic and could cause health problems.  

In my opinion the main reason is to give some greedy in laws a reason to disinherit her and take everything. This practice is further entrenched by the fact that we live in a patriarchal society where customs and traditions do not allow women to inherit or own land and property. This leads to widows being forced out of their homes especially if they have no children. Other times the children are taken away from the mother under the guise that they will be taken care of and to paint a picture that the relations care but often times these children are used as domestic servants in the homes of such relatives. Sometimes the money their father left is used to care for the relatives and their families while the children are left tattered, unkempt and removed from good private schools and put in public schools. In spite of the reoccurrence of cases where brothers whether legally named next of kin /administrators or not, take everything leaving the immediate family high and dry many Nigerian men still persists in naming their brother as next of kin or don’t put any measures in place to protect their spouse and children. Some family members with the connivance of some members of the society ensure they take everything. The nagging question remains why?

When I think of the emotional trauma I experienced after losing my husband and what I still experience, I can only imagine the heart ache and suffering widows who face these things go through. I ask myself for how long should widows in Nigeria, Africa and possibly other parts of the world keep quiet in the face of perceptions, practices and traditions that infringe on their rights as human beings and steal their pride, dignity and value?  Thankfully I married a good man who had a sense of responsibility and loved us enough to put our welfare first.

Today I celebrate you Tunbosun my husband!  I also hail my in laws who have proved to be genuine Christians and have not bothered us.  Since my husband died I have been the sole provider for my children. Suddenly I am responsible for their education, feeding, upkeep and everything that pertains to life and godliness. I am (under God) their mother, father, family head, leader, teacher, mentor, spiritual leader, bank, ATM, counsellor etc. and yet someone thinks I am not entitled to what their father left to make the burden lighter.

An Inheritance for who? Part 1

An Inheritance for who?

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children …

Proverbs 13: 22a

Sometime in September, I was a guest on a Live Radio Phone in programme in Abuja to discuss the issue of men putting in place adequate measures to ensure their wives and children are well catered for in the unfortunate event of their death. With me in the studio was a lawyer to shed light on writing wills and other things people could do to make sure all is well and their families don’t become destitute after their demise as is the case with many families in Nigeria.

Everything was going well that is until the first call came through from oneChukwudi. I had shared how my husband did not leave a will but my children and I have had no problems because everything he had was in our joint namesWell this didn’t go down well with Chukwudi because he said something like this ‘….this is the reason why my brothers/ people accuse women of killing their husbands. The widow you have there is talking about how she has everything. She is only concerned about money and property forgetting her husband’s brothers. I do things with my brothers and carry them a long so…….’

My goodness did I hear him well? Bottom line what he meant was how dare this widow talk of having what her husband left. It means she killed him to get a hold of his money and property. Now this man doesn’t know me, neither does he know or have an idea of my full story, my relationship with my husband, theagony and trauma I have been subjected to since losing him. He doesn’t have the slightest inkling of my contributions to the home and resources or even how much was left and if it could send my four children through school. Notwithstanding he jumped to the conclusion that if I was not a miserable, dejected widow living in abject poverty then I had killed my husband to make his property mine and he was callous and wicked enough to say so on a live Radio programme.

Whew! Really, I didn’t know whether to cry, be angry or ask him to ‘get a life’ in his opinion the brothers and not the wife and children were entitled to what their brother left. Fortunately a female caller gave it to him and advised him tomarry his brothers since he ‘cared so much about them’ a thought that had crossed my mind while he was speaking. I guess this man and others like him where expecting a widow who had been subjected to some of the hideous things widows go through, who had lost everything and was now poor, wretched and destitute.

That is the usual stereotype for the Nigerian widow. I guess if I had said my in-laws took everything threw me out of my home etc then he would have been happy. After all I am a widow an outcast with no rights or entitlements. I wasn’t supposed to have, or own anything even though I work hard. My life ended when my husband died and I don’t have value as an individual. That unfortunately is the perception of many Nigerians about widows so much so that even some widows accept it as their lot. I know widows or other women that would advise me not to share my story or just go on air and have a pity party complete with cake and ice cream to avoid the Chukwudi’s of this world from attacking and accusing me.

I am blessed to have had a husband who loved our children and I and wanted the best for us. He carried us along in all he did and kept me adequately informed of his transactions. Ours was an open and trusting relationship. So what exactly is the crime I committed that would make another man judge meso harshly. Many widows have been subjected to all manners of evil especially when it comes to the issue of inheritance or property. Is it okay to accuse women of killing their husbands just because his brothers are not in charge of what he left? Is it right or fair? Or is it unfair and unacceptable? 

This is the first of a three part post on this issue.  I hope you will follow through and leave comments I’d love to know your thoughts.

Empty Nest

When she could no longer hide him, she took 

For him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime

and with pitch ,and put the child therein; and she laid 

it in the flags by the river's brink.

Exodus 2:3

So my children have  resumed  school one after the other. That's the usual process over the years except that this time they were all leaving to the University and boarding Secondary Schools. Ever since my husband went on to be with Jesus my last daughter,the baby of the house has always been my companion when the others resumed school . This time however having gained admission to JSS 1 (First year in High school) she also left. Letting her go was bitter sweet. We had prayed and trusted God that she would do well and pass the exams and she did .  I was so thankful to God for helping her get into the school we wanted her to attend but at the same time it meant she would be leaving for boarding school and i would be home alone.

I can imagine how Moses' mother felt when in order to save him she had to make a basket put him in it and put it in the Nile. Not knowing what would happen it was a desperate  step and a last resort. She loved him but had to let him go because keeping him meant certain death. Through it all God was at work and arranged for Pharaoh's daughter to adopt him and give him to his mother to raise.  Even though moses' mum's situation was different i can relate to it because its about giving up the child you love to a new life. So like Moses' mum I let my baby go. I guess sometimes  letting go is part of being a good mom even at the risk of having an empty nest.Some well wishers had advised that I put her in a day school so I won't be left alone. Incidentally few months after her dad's death she asked me 'mummy who will stay with you when I go to boarding school ' I answered nobody and she said 'then I won't go'  I'll stay with you' so sweet of her. But I knew  she would eventually want to go. Her two older siblings went through boarding schools and the third one is still there. Should   i deny her the experience so she can be there for me? What of when they all finish school start working and possibly live in other towns and get married. I can't keep them from living their lives. Sooner or later they would have to leave.

So for the first time in the last few days I have been alone and returned home every evening to an 'empty nest'. Do I miss having the children around and the company? Yes but I am copying well, in fact the anticipation seems to have been worse than the actual thing. God knew a time like this would come in my life and I know he will work things out. So many people expressed concern for my being alone i heard many ooh's and  'eyahs'. Some  people  robbed it in by going on and on about how its not good to be alone so much so that I was tempted to put up a sign saying - don't talk to me about being alone! Instead of the pity and negativity on the ills of being alone a more positive response would have done me a world of good.  A simple statement like you'll be fine or you'll get through this or even an offer to come visit or an invitation to visit them would not have been out of place. The truth is many people who are not widows live alone and nobody carries on about them living alone. I don't think people even notice it . I guess for widows it is because  you have been living with your spouse  and children and suddenly he is gone and when the children leave people wonder how you will cope.

Again it is not what I bargained for, not what I want but that is my life, my reality . I can keep brooding about it and feeling bad or I can make the most of it. Being convinced that God is able to help me make the most of it i have thought out all the things being alone can help me achieve. If you are reading and you have an empty nest i hope you will find some encouragement. You may wish to try out some of the things or make your own list of what you can do.

First on my list is a closer more intimate fellowship with God. I have the time to pray as long as i want keeping the children covered in prayers and standing in the gap for others.  I can study the Bible more and develop a closer walk with God because my time is my own. As children grow your ministry to them becomes more spiritual than physical. For me this is the time of standing in the gap and occupying the office of a priest as i bring my family,friends, church and nation etc before God. Job 1:5 God can make you a spiritual cover for others and what a blessing you will be. It is also the time for the fulfillment of  dreams and visions. You will agree that raising children and running a home is a full time job and many times women have to give up their jobs,education or some passion they wanted to pursue to focus on the family. The empty nest is therefore a time to revive those dreams. Go back to school, get a job, start a business,  get involved in charity etc. I have been led to write another book and I believe now is the time to get down to it.

I  don't have to cook for anyone or attend to their needs much as I love caring for my family its nice not to worry sometimes and just take things easy. I also get to be in control of the remote control and watch what I want ( lol) I don't have to worry about who stays with my daughter or where to drop her and how she gets to school when I have to travel for work.  I also don't have to do school runs anymore ( yepee!) waking up at 5 am and leaving the house at 7 or before. Then picking my daughter late because I am at a meeting. There were many times she had to be with me in the office till late because there was no one to stay with her at home.  Then there were times we got home at 9pm or after and she would still be in school the next morning. 

A dear sister has always made  me an offer to spend a weekend at their place an offer that has always been open which I appreciate and will make use of. Apart from that I can visit with people more and be at more church activities which I enjoy. My dear mother also comes over and spends 2 or 3 months with me. In between i have my job which i go to every day and some house  work. This keeps me so busy and the days go by fast.Besides in a couple of weeks it will be a full house when they all come for the Christmas holidays and then other holidays so we  will still be spending a lot of quality time together and I get to see them on visiting days and midterm. For the older ones we speak regularly on phone and once in a while they come home for a weekend or public holidays.

Like Jochebed the mother of Moses I love my children and want the best for them so even though it is hard I let them go so they can get a good education and better opportunities in life.  I know they love me and pray for me and no matter where they are they are mine and we will always be there for each other because we are family. I know it's the same with you, your children may be off to school like mine or  they are all grown and have left home. Maybe you don't have children and so losing your husband means you are alone. Whatever it is you look ahead with great expectations and trust God with this season because like Joel Osteen says' the rest of your life is the best of your life!