An Inheritance for who? Part 1

An Inheritance for who?

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children …

Proverbs 13: 22a

Sometime in September, I was a guest on a Live Radio Phone in programme in Abuja to discuss the issue of men putting in place adequate measures to ensure their wives and children are well catered for in the unfortunate event of their death. With me in the studio was a lawyer to shed light on writing wills and other things people could do to make sure all is well and their families don’t become destitute after their demise as is the case with many families in Nigeria.

Everything was going well that is until the first call came through from oneChukwudi. I had shared how my husband did not leave a will but my children and I have had no problems because everything he had was in our joint namesWell this didn’t go down well with Chukwudi because he said something like this ‘….this is the reason why my brothers/ people accuse women of killing their husbands. The widow you have there is talking about how she has everything. She is only concerned about money and property forgetting her husband’s brothers. I do things with my brothers and carry them a long so…….’

My goodness did I hear him well? Bottom line what he meant was how dare this widow talk of having what her husband left. It means she killed him to get a hold of his money and property. Now this man doesn’t know me, neither does he know or have an idea of my full story, my relationship with my husband, theagony and trauma I have been subjected to since losing him. He doesn’t have the slightest inkling of my contributions to the home and resources or even how much was left and if it could send my four children through school. Notwithstanding he jumped to the conclusion that if I was not a miserable, dejected widow living in abject poverty then I had killed my husband to make his property mine and he was callous and wicked enough to say so on a live Radio programme.

Whew! Really, I didn’t know whether to cry, be angry or ask him to ‘get a life’ in his opinion the brothers and not the wife and children were entitled to what their brother left. Fortunately a female caller gave it to him and advised him tomarry his brothers since he ‘cared so much about them’ a thought that had crossed my mind while he was speaking. I guess this man and others like him where expecting a widow who had been subjected to some of the hideous things widows go through, who had lost everything and was now poor, wretched and destitute.

That is the usual stereotype for the Nigerian widow. I guess if I had said my in-laws took everything threw me out of my home etc then he would have been happy. After all I am a widow an outcast with no rights or entitlements. I wasn’t supposed to have, or own anything even though I work hard. My life ended when my husband died and I don’t have value as an individual. That unfortunately is the perception of many Nigerians about widows so much so that even some widows accept it as their lot. I know widows or other women that would advise me not to share my story or just go on air and have a pity party complete with cake and ice cream to avoid the Chukwudi’s of this world from attacking and accusing me.

I am blessed to have had a husband who loved our children and I and wanted the best for us. He carried us along in all he did and kept me adequately informed of his transactions. Ours was an open and trusting relationship. So what exactly is the crime I committed that would make another man judge meso harshly. Many widows have been subjected to all manners of evil especially when it comes to the issue of inheritance or property. Is it okay to accuse women of killing their husbands just because his brothers are not in charge of what he left? Is it right or fair? Or is it unfair and unacceptable? 

This is the first of a three part post on this issue.  I hope you will follow through and leave comments I’d love to know your thoughts.