Empty Nest

When she could no longer hide him, she took 

For him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime

and with pitch ,and put the child therein; and she laid 

it in the flags by the river's brink.

Exodus 2:3

So my children have  resumed  school one after the other. That's the usual process over the years except that this time they were all leaving to the University and boarding Secondary Schools. Ever since my husband went on to be with Jesus my last daughter,the baby of the house has always been my companion when the others resumed school . This time however having gained admission to JSS 1 (First year in High school) she also left. Letting her go was bitter sweet. We had prayed and trusted God that she would do well and pass the exams and she did .  I was so thankful to God for helping her get into the school we wanted her to attend but at the same time it meant she would be leaving for boarding school and i would be home alone.

I can imagine how Moses' mother felt when in order to save him she had to make a basket put him in it and put it in the Nile. Not knowing what would happen it was a desperate  step and a last resort. She loved him but had to let him go because keeping him meant certain death. Through it all God was at work and arranged for Pharaoh's daughter to adopt him and give him to his mother to raise.  Even though moses' mum's situation was different i can relate to it because its about giving up the child you love to a new life. So like Moses' mum I let my baby go. I guess sometimes  letting go is part of being a good mom even at the risk of having an empty nest.Some well wishers had advised that I put her in a day school so I won't be left alone. Incidentally few months after her dad's death she asked me 'mummy who will stay with you when I go to boarding school ' I answered nobody and she said 'then I won't go'  I'll stay with you' so sweet of her. But I knew  she would eventually want to go. Her two older siblings went through boarding schools and the third one is still there. Should   i deny her the experience so she can be there for me? What of when they all finish school start working and possibly live in other towns and get married. I can't keep them from living their lives. Sooner or later they would have to leave.

So for the first time in the last few days I have been alone and returned home every evening to an 'empty nest'. Do I miss having the children around and the company? Yes but I am copying well, in fact the anticipation seems to have been worse than the actual thing. God knew a time like this would come in my life and I know he will work things out. So many people expressed concern for my being alone i heard many ooh's and  'eyahs'. Some  people  robbed it in by going on and on about how its not good to be alone so much so that I was tempted to put up a sign saying - don't talk to me about being alone! Instead of the pity and negativity on the ills of being alone a more positive response would have done me a world of good.  A simple statement like you'll be fine or you'll get through this or even an offer to come visit or an invitation to visit them would not have been out of place. The truth is many people who are not widows live alone and nobody carries on about them living alone. I don't think people even notice it . I guess for widows it is because  you have been living with your spouse  and children and suddenly he is gone and when the children leave people wonder how you will cope.

Again it is not what I bargained for, not what I want but that is my life, my reality . I can keep brooding about it and feeling bad or I can make the most of it. Being convinced that God is able to help me make the most of it i have thought out all the things being alone can help me achieve. If you are reading and you have an empty nest i hope you will find some encouragement. You may wish to try out some of the things or make your own list of what you can do.

First on my list is a closer more intimate fellowship with God. I have the time to pray as long as i want keeping the children covered in prayers and standing in the gap for others.  I can study the Bible more and develop a closer walk with God because my time is my own. As children grow your ministry to them becomes more spiritual than physical. For me this is the time of standing in the gap and occupying the office of a priest as i bring my family,friends, church and nation etc before God. Job 1:5 God can make you a spiritual cover for others and what a blessing you will be. It is also the time for the fulfillment of  dreams and visions. You will agree that raising children and running a home is a full time job and many times women have to give up their jobs,education or some passion they wanted to pursue to focus on the family. The empty nest is therefore a time to revive those dreams. Go back to school, get a job, start a business,  get involved in charity etc. I have been led to write another book and I believe now is the time to get down to it.

I  don't have to cook for anyone or attend to their needs much as I love caring for my family its nice not to worry sometimes and just take things easy. I also get to be in control of the remote control and watch what I want ( lol) I don't have to worry about who stays with my daughter or where to drop her and how she gets to school when I have to travel for work.  I also don't have to do school runs anymore ( yepee!) waking up at 5 am and leaving the house at 7 or before. Then picking my daughter late because I am at a meeting. There were many times she had to be with me in the office till late because there was no one to stay with her at home.  Then there were times we got home at 9pm or after and she would still be in school the next morning. 

A dear sister has always made  me an offer to spend a weekend at their place an offer that has always been open which I appreciate and will make use of. Apart from that I can visit with people more and be at more church activities which I enjoy. My dear mother also comes over and spends 2 or 3 months with me. In between i have my job which i go to every day and some house  work. This keeps me so busy and the days go by fast.Besides in a couple of weeks it will be a full house when they all come for the Christmas holidays and then other holidays so we  will still be spending a lot of quality time together and I get to see them on visiting days and midterm. For the older ones we speak regularly on phone and once in a while they come home for a weekend or public holidays.

Like Jochebed the mother of Moses I love my children and want the best for them so even though it is hard I let them go so they can get a good education and better opportunities in life.  I know they love me and pray for me and no matter where they are they are mine and we will always be there for each other because we are family. I know it's the same with you, your children may be off to school like mine or  they are all grown and have left home. Maybe you don't have children and so losing your husband means you are alone. Whatever it is you look ahead with great expectations and trust God with this season because like Joel Osteen says' the rest of your life is the best of your life!