10For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried.[] 11Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins.[] 12Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.
Psalms 66:10-12
I feel the need to share certain issues relating to widowhood in Nigeria. Actually it's something I've wanted to do since last year. I guess the time is right. I remember after I wrote my book someone from my mum's church wrote me and commended me for writing the book. He then raised issues that are very real for many widows in Nigeria. His was a very encouraging letter and the issues he raised very important. He suggested I expand the book to touch on areas not reflected in the book. These are some of the issues he raised mostly they were questions he felt needed answers that would be helpful for others.
1) Many families accuse the wives of killing the husband and subject them to all sorts of things like taking the woman naked and shaven to a shrine to prove their innocence.What was your experience?
2) Did he (my husband) have a will? What happened to the family's ( referring to our nuclear family) property or his property. In many African cultures the husbands family take everything leaving the wife and children with nothing.
3) Supposing you don't have a job how will you cope? Does the family help support you and the children?
4) In situations were the man's family had objected to the marriage after his death there is the likelihood of the woman being thrown out of the house possibly with her children. (know the after all you are not our wife thing).
5) In some cases a living relative of the man inherits the wife. Suppose this happens to you what will you do. (Me ....... not my portion) what can other women faced with this do?
6) What about remarriage? Have you ever considered it? You have four children, what will you do if this situation arises for you. If not how will you cope with remaining single?
7) How do you cope with mischievous men who come around to cheat? They pretend to want to help but have sinister motives.
8) Can we have a listing of your thoughts without suppressing or keeping anything away. What is your perception of life since his demise.
9) Where you relatively independent or were you 100% dependent on him? What about widows who were 100% dependent on the man?
Basically these were his thoughts and comments not verbatim but I really appreciated him but didn't know the avenue that would be open for me to address the questions. Didn't know I'd have a blog. If you are a Nigerian reading this or even African many of these issues will not be new but if you are not you may almost freak out at the thought of some of the things mentioned Lol. Anyway I will be addressing these and other issues in the blog in the weeks ahead.
My desire is to help someone somewhere so i will be as open as possible. I want you to know that because you are a widow doesn't mean you are a door mat. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. After your husband's death you have the right to mourn him as you choose after all the relationship you shared was unique to the two of you. You are also free underGod to live a full and purposeful life. Don't let anyone or anything rob you of the privilege of living a good life.
Over and over again I say this - loosing a spouse is not a small thing it's a major alteration of your life and people can't even begin to understand the impact it has on you it takes only the grace of God to make. So I really don't get it when people make it more difficult. My question is why? Why? why? Some of the issues I will also share are;
1) Do widows face any form of stigmatization
2) Where does a christian widow draw the line on traditional practices like cutting her hair, not going out or seeing the sun for sometime etc.
3) Why do some churches not allow the casket to be brought into the church in fact the corpse should not come near the church premises.
4) Dealing with religious Judgmental people and those who suffer from 'verbal diarrhea'
5) What is the role of the church beyond the Christmas and Easter rice?
While a number of the issues are peculiar to Nigerians others are universal. I titled this 'series' if you may , The Journey from Death to Life because widowhood is a journey that begins as a result of your husbands death and the above listed things and so much more are the things you deal with to get to a point where you can live again. It is a difficult journey you are tried like silver, go through affliction, fire and water but I encourage you to follow Jesus as He pilots you through whatever issues you face till He brings you to your wealthy place. Your place of abundance and restoration.
No comments:
Post a Comment