Tuesday 30 June 2015

Tragic Death



Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints
Psalm 116:15 (KJV)

Last week two of my contacts shared something with me on WhatsApp. It was a write up titled 'How the Apostles Died' coming at a time when I have been sharing on the reproach of widowhood it meant a lot to me. In my last two posts I mentioned that one of the factors that encourage reproach or stigma against widows is the fact that in many traditional settings and sadly even in many Christian circles in Nigeria when person dies a tragic death in an accident, suicide,  murder etc it is considered a bad omen. The write up shows that those who hold these beliefs are so far from the truth.

I am sharing this write up on how the Apostles died to encourage you if you have lost a loved one who loved the Lord and people want to make you feel bad because of how they died know it that every death of a believer is precious in God's sight He knows it will happen and He allowed it not because He doesn't love you or them but for reasons best known to Him. ( Sometimes the Lord may choose to reveal to us the whys while other times He chooses not to but wants us to trust Him in it all ). If anyone deserved to die peacefully surrounded by family it was these great men and founding fathers of the Christian faith. Did it mean they failed or sinned? Definitely  not. I know for sure God was with them every step of the way and the moment they closed their eyes in death they opened it in heaven. Since then till today the blood of Christian martyrs have fueled the gospel and rather than serve as a deterrent, has been the reason many have come to knowJesus as Lord and Saviour. As horrible and unfair as these apostles experiences seem God worked them out for His glory.John's exile in Patmos gave us the book of Revelations while Paul's time in prison gave us most of the epistles containing fundamental Christian doctrine.

I f you have lost your husband or any loved one as a result of Boko Haram or religious extremism in Nigeria or even outside Nigeria where we have ISIS and so many other terrorists groups please be comforted. As  difficult and painful as it may be God knows and will execute justice for you. Deuteronomy 10:18 says He ensures the widow and the fatherless get justice so leave it in His hands and rest assured that your loved one is in a better place you cannot begin to imagine the beauty and glory of their home in Heaven. They are free of pain, sorrow and all evil.  I pray the grace to carry on without them will be released to you by the Holy Spirit until that day when you shall meet them to part no more

I don't know the original source of this write up but I appreciate it.  I have come across how the apostles died in the past but this time I sincerely value it.

 
HOW THE APOSTLES DIED.
 
1. Matthew

Suffered martyrdom in Ethiopia, Killed by a sword wound.

2. Mark

Died in Alexandria, Egypt , after being dragged by Horses through the streets until he was dead.

3. Luke

Was hanged in Greece as a result of his tremendous Preaching to the lost.

4. John

Faced martyrdom when he was boiled in huge Basin of boiling oil during a wave of persecution In Rome. However, he was miraculously delivered From death.

John was then sentenced to the mines on the prison Island of Patmos. He wrote his prophetic Book of Revelation on Patmos . The apostle John was later freed and returned to serve As Bishop of Edessa in modern Turkey . He died as an old man, the only apostle to die peacefully

5. Peter

He was crucified upside down on an x-shaped cross.

According to church tradition it was because he told his tormentors that he felt unworthy to die In the same way that Jesus Christ had died.

6. James

The leader of the church in Jerusalem , was thrown over a hundred feet down from the southeast pinnacle of the Temple when he refused to deny his faith in Christ. When they discovered that he survived the fall, his enemies beat James to death with a fuller's club.

* This was the same pinnacle where Satan had taken Jesus during the Temptation.

7. James the Son of Zebedee,

was a fisherman by trade when Jesus Called him to a lifetime of ministry. As a strong leader of the church, James was ultimately beheaded at Jerusalem. The Roman officer who guarded James watched amazed as James defended his faith at his trial. Later, the officer Walked beside James to the place of execution. Overcome by conviction, he declared his new faith to the judge and Knelt beside James to accept beheading as a Christian.

8. Bartholomew

Also known as Nathaniel Was a missionary to Asia. He witnessed for our Lord in present day Turkey. Bartholomew was martyred for his preaching in Armenia where he was flayed to death by a whip.

9. Andrew

Was crucified on an x-shaped cross in Patras, Greece. After being whipped severely by seven soldiers they tied his body to the cross with cords to prolong his agony. His followers reported that, when he was led toward the cross, Andrew saluted it in these words: 'I have long desired and expected this happy hour. The cross has been consecrated by the body of Christ hanging on it.' He continued to preach to his tormentors For two days until he expired.

10. Thomas

Was stabbed with a spear in India during one of his missionary trips to establish the church in the Sub-continent.

11. Jude

Was killed with arrows when he refused to deny his faith in Christ.

12. Matthias

The apostle chosen to replace the traitor Judas Iscariot, was stoned and then beheaded.

13. Paul

Was tortured and then beheaded by the evil Emperor Nero at Rome in A.D. 67. Paul endured a lengthy imprisonment, which allowed him to write his many

epistles to the churches he had formed throughout the Roman Empire. These letters, which taught many of the foundational Doctrines of Christianity, form a large portion of the New Testament.

Monday 22 June 2015

The Reproach of Widowhood 2

Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
Isaiah 54:4(KJV)

As I continue sharing my thoughts on the Reproach of Widowhood I have thought more on stigma which is a synonym for reproach. In my opinion it drives home the negative impact and magnitude of reproach. Again I checked the dictionary and it defined stigma as 'a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach as on one's reputation'. Like it or not there is absolutely nothing positive about stigma or reproach if anything it reduces a  person, affects their self esteem and self worth. In many instances it forces them to hide away in their own little world far from the scrutiny and prying eyes of others and to keep away from being objects of ridicule.

Usually people that are stigmatized are those who suffer certain diseases like HIV/AIDS as many associate the disease with sexual immorality, those caught doing something wrong like stealing also experience reproach if caught. Across cultures and climes stigma and reproach can be associated with  different things depending on the values , beliefs and traditions of the people. A breach of such invites stigma. In the olden days people could be literally sent out of the community or other members of the community are asked to keep away from them. In many cases it is as a direct result of some deliberate negative action of the person but in many instances like widowhood it is as a result of circumstances they have no control over. Why then are they made to pay such a heavy price. 

Most widows didn't choose to be widows so why are they punished for  it  I know widows who say their husband's death is a thing of shame to them. In fact when I wanted to put together a widows support group  a young widow told me to expect only older women as the average young Nigerian widow doesn't want to be recognized as a widow so she keeps away from such meetings.  Other widows don't want to go to widows meetings for fear of being the youngest one there someone told me that when i invited her to widow's fellowship. This is sad because widowhood seems to be one of the fastest growing demography not only in Nigeria but in different parts of the world. It implies that there is a huge number of women who have been forced to become bread winners and assume the role of mother and father who need skills, some form of trauma management, hope,  an income and so much more who are being denied this  and stigmatized instead of the love and support they need.  

I will try to list out certain things people do that translate as reproach to help us recognize them either in our lives or in others so we can avoid them;

1) When people avoid a widow or grieving person. Sometimes its under the guise of I don't know what to say or do.

2) When female family friends, church members etc keep away from a widow in other to keep their husbands away from her. It makes the widow feel cheap. I mean  for God's sake even prostitutes have a price but one to many widows will tell how other women see them as threats to their marriage for no other reason but that she is a widow. A widow told me how she met a man from church in town on a day they were to have a workers meeting and asked him to tell the pastor she was tired and couldn't make the meeting. He did at the meeting and another women openly told the man's wife where the widow met her husband and why it was that the widow sent her husband. It was so bad the wife went to the widows work place to warn or fight her but fortunately the widows boss refused her access to the widow.

3) When directly or indirectly she is blamed for her husband's death either because she is considered as not being prayer full,  not having enough faith, living in sin or under a curse. Oftentimes the dead husband is also considered to have been the same. A sister shared how one of the pastors wives that was staying with her within the days her husband who was also a pastor died asked something like, 'how could your husband die? Don't you pray? She told me she was on a fast and praying the day her husband died. I was accused of not praying as well by some of the mourners in my house who supposedly came to comfort me no one said it to my face but I got to know later. A colleague shared today how a vibrant sister who was given to prayers and fasting died recently in a car accident and brethren in church have been discussing on how it is not possible for her to die like that and have her blood spilt if she was living right. Goodness how could so called Christians be so callous! 

Many christians have been told you must  not die if you are a true child of God, prayerful and living right. church people assume when a person dies they were not prayerful or didn't have enough faith or they were under a curse they failed to break ( it doesn't matter if they have been to every anointing, deliverance and breakthrough service) and done all the man of God said they should do to stay alive. If they died then they missed it or where living in secret sin. Since you can't be sure then it's safe to keep that family at arms length so the'sturborn pursuers from their father or mothers house will not get to you'. 

Oops! I will have to continue next week so it doesn't get to much.




Monday 15 June 2015

The Reproach of Widowhood 1



Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
Isaiah 54:4 (KJV

' Some people behave as if they will die or something if they come near you'  that was one of my children speaking few weeks after the loss of their dad. Few months later that child made the same comment. I had felt the same way sometimes but didn't really voice it out. Given my foggy state of mind I probably put it to me overreacting but coming from my child I realized my own thoughts in this regard where authentic. If there is one word I dislike and wish didn't exist it's the word widow. Looking back I wonder why? Apart from the fact that I never bargained for it and what it connotes i.e. the painful reminder that my hubby is gone I realise that probably why yours truly and other widows don't like the word is simply because of the stigma or reproach oftentimes associated with being a widow.

This brings me to the question what is reproach and do widows really experience reproach? To be double sure I checked the dictionary and found a definition I hadn't thought of.  My Merriam- Webster online dictionary defined it as 'an expression of rebuke or disapproval',  'a cause or occasion for blame, discredit or disgrace. That nailed it for me I had taken it to mean contempt, disgrace, disdain, shame but the word 'blame' just did it. Unfortunately many cultures in Nigeria blame a woman for her husband's death or think she has bad luck some of us can relate to the phrase 'her head is not good.' Many consider it a shameful thing to loose your husband so people avoid her so her shame or bad luck doesn't rub off on them. I must say things are a lot better due to Christianity and modernization. Many people and churches have advocated for stopping extreme negative practices including extreme cases of stigma or reproach that makes people react negatively to widows.

Unfortunately, while progress has been made a lot of people still consciously or unconsciously hold on to these erroneous beliefs.  Though they don't outrightly do any wrong to widows, their words, body language and actions send messages that can be described as reproach. The widow is then left to grapple with the pains of reproach coupled with the pain of her loss? Sadly this happens even among supposed children of God. The truth is that death is an enemy and the average human being cringes at the mention of death. However, while God can and does extend days in answer to prayers other times He chooses not to. God's desire is for us to live long and fulfilled lives and that is the desire of us humans also but because we live in a fallen world things dont always happen as expected. The moment Adam and Eve sinned death, sickness and all kinds of evil were introduced to the world thus altering God's original plan.  The good side of the story is that Jesus came and so we have hope once we place our faith in Him the greatest miracle He has given us is salvation and eternal life in heaven. That is where things will be perfect and death and all ills will be no more but on this side of eternity we can't wish them or faith talk them away. Again God is ahead of us and so even when we face loss and reproach He assures us us of His comfort and presence. In Isaiah 54:4 He says we should not fear because we will not be putto shame and we will not remember the reproach of widowhood. So if you are a widow and you are experiencing reproach be comforted.

 In many of our cultures death especially when it's a young person is seen as evil and a direct or indirect result of a curse, spell or witchcraft in local parlance  'jazz', 'remote control' etc. Usually the wife becomes the number one suspect and even when she is not a suspect there are some traditional mourning rites that in my opinion say this widow needs to be cleansed from death. These practices include shaving of the hair, having to sit and  sleep on the floor on a mat, eat from the cover of a pot or some ridiculous thing like that, have a plate and cutlery reserved for her, she may not be allowed to see sunlight for some time. I remember when some of the women from church would take me for a walk outside the house days after my husband died since i had been sitting in doors receiving guest, someone said 'no you are not supposed to go out, ideally you shouldn't even see light' .  Others are wearing black for a year or wearing specified mourning clothes for a year. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

Directly or indirectly the person is treated as an outcast and so people tend to see them as such. It's like widowhood is some terminal highly contagious disease.  Sadly some churches  don't help either.  I have been a believer for well over twenty years and seen many devoted Christians die. Some were prayer warriors, pastors, decent Christians with good character who lived right and served God diligently, they attended vigils and special programmes, made all the positive confessions  yet they died.  In the cases where they were sick they were prayed for,  brethren would fast and hold prayer vigils yet they died . Some of the reactions of their churches were 'we don't announce death in church' so there would be a hush around the church as people passed the information through whispers almost as if they were afraid of being caught talking about the dead. Some pastors try to avoid conducting funerals, some 'brethren' are afraid to sleep in the persons house or travel for the funeral so that spirit of death still lurking around will not get a hold on them. It's like the person that died is a failure a negative in the positives of the church in many instances the corpse is not brought into church for a proper funeral because' it will attract death to the church'. Some of these Invariably set the widow up to be reproached be it in the church or traditional setting and creates an impression about death that may not be Biblical.

God calls us to mourn with those that mourn so God knows there will be days of mourning and the need to stand by one another. When a person dies no matter the reason or cause the family left behind needs comfort and support not judgment. In as much as all the speculations and wanting to determine whose fault it is or is not will not bring them back then we should avoid such things and focus on helping the family move on.

Monday 8 June 2015

God will Make You Forget Your Yesterdays

Genesis 41:51-52 (KJV)
51And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.[] 52And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

I was to start a series of posts addressing some negative practices against widows last week. But last weekend the Lord laid something so strongly in my heart that i feel compelled to share. Actually it was God's word of encouragement and hope to me. I couldn't sleep and I felt led to read Gn 41: 51-52 the story of Joseph is one of my favourites in the Bible. Reading the earlier verses in Genesis 41 about how  Pharoah made Joseph second in command over Egypt I was thrilled all over again. Some of the things He told Joseph were 'you shall be over my house, according to your word shall all my people be ruled, only in the throne shall I be greater than you, I have set you over the land of Egypt, without thee will no man lift up his hand or foot in all of Egypt.Wow, mind blowing to think that Joseph woke up that morning a prisoner and here he was being given so much power, authority and influence, I don't know but I guess he was given a beautiful house probably a palace. We can safely add wealth to the list then a wife so within moments his entire life changed.

Many years earlier Joseph's life had experienced a similar dramatic change but then it was a negative change. He woke up as daddy's favourite son who had the beautiful coat of many colours and went to bed in a strange place among total strangers having been thrown in a pit and then sold by his own brothers. He was only 17 but had no hope of ever seeing his beloved father and family again. Remember he had lost his mother earlier. Not knowing what the future held we can only imagine the thoughts that went through young Joseph's mind that night. The grief, sense of betrayal, hopelessness, no friend, no family just him alone. Where was the God of his fathers he must have heard the different stories of God's dealing with his father, grandfather and great grandfather. He thought of his dreams....will they be fulfilled.? This was definitely not what he bargained for.

You probably have an idea of the emotional turmoil Joseph went through, that gut wrenching feeling  you experienced following the death of your husband. You may have asked similar questions. It wasn't what you bargained for when you said 'I do' on your wedding day. You had plans, dreams, hopes, and suddenly they were shattered. You must have wondered what will my future be.? As the story of Joseph unfolds we find that all he had gone through did not break him neither did it kill his dreams. Even at the tender age of seventeen he had an admirable  faith in God  and a close walk with him.He knew he wasn't alone, God was with him and that's all he needed. He seemed to know God would work even those unpleasant circumstances out for good. So he kept his faith up but the more he tried to live right and do the right thing the more complicated his situation. Accused falsely for refusing to sin he found himself in prison, the butler whose dream he interpreted promptly forgot him. Through it all Joseph remained steadfast knowing God was at work. Beloved child of the Lord, God is not done with you yet He is still at work.

Eventually the day in Genesis 41 that turned his fortunes around came and when God later blessed Joseph with two son's the names he gave them said a lot. Joseph toiled as a slave, servant and prisoner but the blessings pronounced on him that day and the blessings he enjoyed for the rest of his life  were so great that he 'forgot' the pains of the past. The pain couldn't compare with the glory.  He said God had made him forget his father's house to my mind Joseph  must have thought of home and been home sick many times reminiscing about his coat, the privileges he enjoyed he must have wished for home but God brought all his family back to live in Egypt with him so the pain of those memories where taken away. He was fruitful in the land of his affliction the land he came to as a slave, a nobody, unknown and not reckoned with, a despised foreigner ( the Egyptians looked down on the Israelites who were shepherds) yet God made him Prime Minister the most powerful man in Egypt after Pharaoh probably the second most powerful man on earth. He was truly fruitful in the land of his affliction. God made him forget all his bitter yesterday's. The  blessing was so much the process and pain seemed to fade. Joseph must have said it was all worth it 13 years of affliction but 80 years of uncommon blessings. He was made Prime Minister when he was 30 and died at 110. 

In the first chapter of the book of Ruth, Naomi asked to be called Mara which meant bitter because of all that had happened to her but in the 4th chapter God restored her, he gave her a heir through Ruth and Boaz who was the grandfather of David and an ancestor of the Lord Jesus same goes for Ruth she was married to Boaz and became grandmother of David and is in the lineage of the Lord. Naomi came back empty but lived her latter years in joy and fulfillment. You have been through affliction and you wonder what good can come in your future that can make you forget the pains of the past. You definitely will not forget your husband or loved one  but you can remember them with thanks for the time you had together, you can remember them and smile or laugh instead of weeping when you remember things that you did together.Above all God has blessings in store for you that will blow your mind the Bible says when the Lord turned around the captivity of Zion they were like those that dreamed. That's my prayer for you that a day will come when all you have gone through will give way to such blessings you'll wonder if it's a dream. Sorrow will give way to joy, the struggle to raise your children alone will be fruitful, you will rest from your toils and be blessed beyond measure. God will settle you like He did Joseph, Naomi and Ruth.