Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
Isaiah 54:4(KJV)
As I continue sharing my thoughts on the Reproach of Widowhood I have thought more on stigma which is a synonym for reproach. In my opinion it drives home the negative impact and magnitude of reproach. Again I checked the dictionary and it defined stigma as 'a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach as on one's reputation'. Like it or not there is absolutely nothing positive about stigma or reproach if anything it reduces a person, affects their self esteem and self worth. In many instances it forces them to hide away in their own little world far from the scrutiny and prying eyes of others and to keep away from being objects of ridicule.
Usually people that are stigmatized are those who suffer certain diseases like HIV/AIDS as many associate the disease with sexual immorality, those caught doing something wrong like stealing also experience reproach if caught. Across cultures and climes stigma and reproach can be associated with different things depending on the values , beliefs and traditions of the people. A breach of such invites stigma. In the olden days people could be literally sent out of the community or other members of the community are asked to keep away from them. In many cases it is as a direct result of some deliberate negative action of the person but in many instances like widowhood it is as a result of circumstances they have no control over. Why then are they made to pay such a heavy price.
Most widows didn't choose to be widows so why are they punished for it I know widows who say their husband's death is a thing of shame to them. In fact when I wanted to put together a widows support group a young widow told me to expect only older women as the average young Nigerian widow doesn't want to be recognized as a widow so she keeps away from such meetings. Other widows don't want to go to widows meetings for fear of being the youngest one there someone told me that when i invited her to widow's fellowship. This is sad because widowhood seems to be one of the fastest growing demography not only in Nigeria but in different parts of the world. It implies that there is a huge number of women who have been forced to become bread winners and assume the role of mother and father who need skills, some form of trauma management, hope, an income and so much more who are being denied this and stigmatized instead of the love and support they need.
I will try to list out certain things people do that translate as reproach to help us recognize them either in our lives or in others so we can avoid them;
1) When people avoid a widow or grieving person. Sometimes its under the guise of I don't know what to say or do.
2) When female family friends, church members etc keep away from a widow in other to keep their husbands away from her. It makes the widow feel cheap. I mean for God's sake even prostitutes have a price but one to many widows will tell how other women see them as threats to their marriage for no other reason but that she is a widow. A widow told me how she met a man from church in town on a day they were to have a workers meeting and asked him to tell the pastor she was tired and couldn't make the meeting. He did at the meeting and another women openly told the man's wife where the widow met her husband and why it was that the widow sent her husband. It was so bad the wife went to the widows work place to warn or fight her but fortunately the widows boss refused her access to the widow.
3) When directly or indirectly she is blamed for her husband's death either because she is considered as not being prayer full, not having enough faith, living in sin or under a curse. Oftentimes the dead husband is also considered to have been the same. A sister shared how one of the pastors wives that was staying with her within the days her husband who was also a pastor died asked something like, 'how could your husband die? Don't you pray? She told me she was on a fast and praying the day her husband died. I was accused of not praying as well by some of the mourners in my house who supposedly came to comfort me no one said it to my face but I got to know later. A colleague shared today how a vibrant sister who was given to prayers and fasting died recently in a car accident and brethren in church have been discussing on how it is not possible for her to die like that and have her blood spilt if she was living right. Goodness how could so called Christians be so callous!
Many christians have been told you must not die if you are a true child of God, prayerful and living right. church people assume when a person dies they were not prayerful or didn't have enough faith or they were under a curse they failed to break ( it doesn't matter if they have been to every anointing, deliverance and breakthrough service) and done all the man of God said they should do to stay alive. If they died then they missed it or where living in secret sin. Since you can't be sure then it's safe to keep that family at arms length so the'sturborn pursuers from their father or mothers house will not get to you'.
Oops! I will have to continue next week so it doesn't get to much.
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