Who Am I ?

Genesis 1:27-28   (NKJV)

²⁷ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. ²⁸ Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

I walked into the almost empty church and looked round for a seat. Knowing there would be senior pastors at the meeting I was careful about where to sit so I wouldn’t be asked to get up. As people arrived, the pastor presiding over the meeting took the microphone and announced for the different categories of pastors that were not in their allotted sitting areas to move there with their spouses. As some of the people around me got up to move, my mind began to wonder, if my husband where alive he would be here and I would be one of the spouses moving with her pastor husband. However, even though I am an ordained minister the fact that my husband is no more here excludes me from that group. The question I had asked countless times popped up. Who are you Halima? Does being an unmarried woman make you less than the married you? Time and again I have found myself in situations where I feel different from whom I was before losing my darling husband. Before he went to be with the Lord I was a pastor’s wife with oversight functions over the Teens/ Children’s Church and the Women Fellowship along with other responsibilities which I loved doing. Contrary to most women who struggled with their husband’s being pastors I never minded being a pastor’s wife. I loved the Lord and loved serving Him alongside my husband.

This and many such situations are painful reminders of life before and life after loss. From day one of being widowed I hated the word widow and the fact that I am now one. More so that there seems to be no place in society or even the church for a widow, we have singles and youth fellowships, men fellowships, women fellowships that tend to primarily meet the needs of married women but hardly any widow’s fellowships. So a widow just doesn’t seem to fit into any of the groups. Even certain social events are better suited for couples. So you are not married and not single, many times I am in a dilemma not knowing where I fit. I have realised that many married women loose a bit of their identity as distinct human beings by hiding under the shadow of who their husbands are. So when the man dies one thing they struggle with is their identity vis-à-vis their new status in life. The loss of a spouse can leave you feeling like half a human being especially because you did things together, went to places together or he held certain positions that gave you some responsibilities. You don’t only loose the man but also who you where and any position you occupied because you were his wife.

My Bible tells me God created them male and female in His image and He blessed them and told them (that is the two of them and not the man alone) to be fruitful, multiply, replenish and subdue the earth and have dominion. That is who you are! While the fact remains that you have lost some positions or privileges you had as a married woman, do not forget you are a distinct special human being made in God’s image and commanded to be fruitful and multiply. So beyond weeping over the past and what you have lost, look up and ahead to your future with hope! Many women have done excellently well in life including widows and you can be like them. Aimee Semple McPherson is a great example, she was widowed and had all sorts of challenges in life but it didn’t keep her from being who God called her to be and establishing the Foursquare Gospel Church. Her destiny and vision didn’t die with her husband neither should yours. You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, bought by the blood of the Lamb, called for a specific purpose and highly favoured! You are special and have an enviable destiny! I encourage you to pursue the dream God put in your heart and be who He called you to be!