On the 31st of March 2012 my
life as I knew it ended. I say so because it has not been the same since then
nor will it ever be the same again. My best friend, lover, provider, pastor,
counselor and husband! slipped out of this world into eternity, into the arms
of the Savior he loved and lived for. The pain in my heart was so intense and
deep I wondered if it was possible to heal, feel normal and look forward to
living life again. The role my family, friends and church played in those dark
days, weeks and months, was great. They prayed, stayed with us, brought food,
money, shared God’s word, and gave counsel. I must say even two years later
some family and friends remain supportive.
However as the days turned to weeks
everyone had to live their own lives and everything was back to normal except my
children and I, our lives had changed drastically. I longed for a support group
a place I could go and share fellowship with people who knew the depth of what
I was going through, a place I could cry if I needed to, vent if that was what
I felt like doing, and express myself without being judged. Somewhere where I could make sense of what
had befallen me, ask questions, find help, be real and not religious, and learn
how to move on. Above all a place I could find hope and a reason to go on.
Unfortunately I found none, most groups
or ministries that were meant to minister to widows if at all they existed
where places where rice and other material things where given to them mostly at
Christmas which is great but not enough emotional help for their wounded and broken
hearts.
In desperation I turned to the internet.
Thank Jesus for social media! I found Widows Christian Place a blog started by Ferree
Hardy who like me had been married to a pastor and widowed. It could only have
been God that led me to her blog and Facebook group for widows – Lifeboat and
later Going Ashore. They became my support group a truly safe place. Subsequently,
I found other sites, blogs and ministries online.
The suddenness and nature of my
husband’s death and how I and my children learnt about it was very traumatic to
say the least. Yet there was no post trauma counseling or management available
for any of us. A lot of what has helped us has been through the social media. I
realized everybody does need somebody especially in life’s difficult seasons
the support, prayers, advice and friendship I received from Lifeboat and blogs
for widows played a significant role in getting me to where I am in this
journey.
Looking back I am amazed at how far God
has brought me. Today I have hope, I experience joy I never thought I will have
again, I look forward to a bright future in God fulfilling the purpose He left
me here for. It can be the same for you beloved. Because people helped me I want
to help others that is the purpose of this blog. As the Lord brought people to
walk with me so I hope he will use me to walk with others. My burning heart
desire is to have an online group or community that will provide a place of
comfort, understanding, love, encouragement and hope to widows and possibly
others who have lost loved ones. A place to learn and be reminded that God is
still good, he loves you and is with you. I confess I am not ‘there’ yet if at
all there is a ‘there’ one gets to in this journey neither do I have all the
answers but we can learn together, walk together, share experiences, pray for
one another and seek God together knowing he alone can restore our hope and
give us good reasons to live life to the max!
