Father of the Fatherless

And  after that Hezron was dead in Caleb–ephratah, then Abiah Hezron's wife bare him Ashur the father of Tekoa. 

1 Chronicles 2:24-25 (KJV)

It breaks my heart any time I hear of a young widow that had young children at home when her husband died. Often times these women are in their twenties, thirties or even forties.  I was 42 when i lost my husband, my youngest was 7 and oldest 16. I remember thinking how in the world was i going to get all of them through school the first child was just about writing her WAEC (Final High School exams). When I thought of the fact that the baby of the house was only in primary 2 (second grade) and imagined how many more years it would take for her to finally get to the University  it seemed sooooo loooong. Way too long to raise them on my own. It felt like it would take forever just endless years of making decisions about their education, years of handling the successes , milestones and challenges. There would PTA meetings, visiting days, graduations and other school activities. Then of course career choices and weddings. The joy and thrill that accompanied such thoughts of the children's development just wasn't there anymore i didn't want to do it alone I just couldn't do it.

We were married for almost 18 years and though it felt so short looking back I am thankful for the time because I know of women who had been widows after fewer years some hadn't even had children,others had babies, toddlers and very young children and some where pregnant when their husbands died.  Truth be told no matter how long you've been married even if its for forty years or more and you have grandchildren loss is still painful and hard.  But when you are only starting out it can be difficult taking on the role of mum and dad watching,your children grieve or grow up not knowing their dad or having him around to do all the things fathers do can be difficult and possibly frightening. Think of the authority and leadership fathers provide, discipline issues, your son or sons having a mentor to help them become good and responsible men plus the girls also need their dads. 

As we celebrated the children's day 27th May I wanted to dedicate today's post to widows raising children on their own. Reading Ferree Hardy's post on the Widow's Christian Place blog a few days back she shared something similar and that's where I got the amazing Bible verse from its a reminder that there have always been young widows raising children and God is mindful of them. Ferree went on to say Ashur the child born after his father's death became the founding father of  Tekoa this means he was successful for me what it means is that if Abiah (his mother who was widowed while pregnant)could do it then you can. It may not be always easy and the challenges are there but all you need is to trust God to step in and also to bring people to help you along the way, 

All my children were old enough to know what happened and each grieved in their own way. I was thankful they knew their dad and he was part oftheir lives for a sometime albeit a short time.  As we worked through our loss I encouraged the children to see God not only as their heavenly father but as their earthly father. He says He is the father of the fatherless. When there are decisions to make we bring them to Him as the head of our home, when we didn't know how school fees would be paid or school and other supplies needed we talked to the big daddy. I have told God over and over again that I can't do it alone and I leave things to Him asking for His leading and help. Guess what He has not failed me. There are times friends of their dad / family friends take interest in the children and spend time talking with them and advising them.

My conclusion is that prayer works and God cares! I encourage you to do the same and though there will be times you will wish for a physical dad you can rest assured that with God's help your children will turn out right and be what God created them to be. They will be a source of joy and comfort to you and if the Lord feels they need to have another physical dad He'll work it out in His perfect time.

Finding Your Rehoboth

Genesis 26:12-13, 22-23(KJV)

12Then Isaac sowed in that land, and received in the same year an hundredfold: and the Lord blessed him.[] 13And the man waxed great, and went forward, and grew until he became very great:

22And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the Lord hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.[] 

It's been so long since I wrote and honestly wish it could have been different. I sincerely apologize. The last part of 2015 saw me jostling two jobs, moving house and doing a lot of work in the new house. Coupled with single parenting, church and other family engagements i just kept failing. 

Last year I read Genesis 26 a number of times initially it was because I wanted to study the life of Jacob and decided to start from his father but many verses in Gnesis 26 spoke to me probably because of some of my experiences and what I was trusting God for. There was famine in the land and God told Isaac not to go to Egypt but remain in Gerar however it was not without challenges. Lesson one - we can still have challenges when walking in the will of God. The Philistines  filled up all the wells Abraham had dug and strove with Isaac over the new wells they dug. By now you must know that the fact that you are grieving or a widow doesn't mean you will be spared other challenges of life. You are alone and the one person you would have worked through life's challenges with is not there. In some cases opportunities are hidden in our trails. I guess you might be thinking why  its like that or even wish it is different, well same here. Unfortunately we don't get to decide that and it's one of the reasons why we need to just trust God. Knowing He always has our best interest in mind.  We have to learn to trust Him difficult as it may be when things don't go as planned.

So here was Isaac the son of promise the son God insisted was the 'one' the heir apparent and the one through whom God's covenant with Abraham who be preserved and the nation of Israel born. Isaac was by no means a nobody his father was rich but more importantly a friend of the Almighty God.  It won't be out of place to say he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and so his life should have been an easy ride but nay, alas he faced struggles and challenges like the children of the servants born to his family. In fact his challenges were on a larger scale since all they depended on him.  Interestingly, in the years and months preceding the loss of Tunbosun I was at a place were life was good my job was good and I was doing well, law practice and business were good for my hubby, the children were doing well, ministry was a joy filled service to the Lord. I was happy after all that's the Lord's promise for us as His children negatives were not part of the deal of being children of the most high God. Trials had come and gone but I was so confident that no major tragedy  would come our way. Things could only get better and God was going to satisfy us with long life to enjoy His blessings. Alas I was sooo wrong (keep using King James English 'alas' for lack of a modern word that will have the same impact for me lol).

When I woke up one very normal Saturday and ended up  a widow before the day ended my shock was much. Such things shouldn't  happen to us   God we are your children , joint heirs with Christ blah blah blah.  Maybe having someone fill up your wells or strive with you over what is yours cannot be compared to the loss of a loved one but we can learn from Isaac. The man had a ' never say die' spirit and attitude. He never gave up he just kept moving ahead until he hit rehoboth. He didn't even argue or insist on his right even though he was the victim. You may feel like the victim death never gave you a chance to fulfill your dreams, it came uninvited and took what was yours with no apologies. Like Isaac you can choose to still keep digging because you also have a Rehoboth  . Your loss might have set u back but is only temporary there is a place of fulfillment God is taking you too. 

If Isaac decided to give up , get angry and stop digging may be the story would have been different. A a point I determined I would keep digging, keep moving forward keep searching because somewhere after the storm the sun will shine again and guess what it is shining again and it can be so for you. Because Isaac kept at it he sowed and reaped a hundred fold, he became so blessed the Philistines envied him. That can be your story but yours can be better. Keep digging! Keep seeking God, pursue your dreams, keep hope alive 

May you go forward and grow in grace, may all that you do be blessed of the Lord and may you receive a hundred fold in return. May God make  room (rehoboth) for you and make you fruitful and joyful in Jesus name.