Making Thanksgiving a Choice

Psalm 147:1, 3,7

1    Praise the Lord

     How good it is to sing praises to our God,

    how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

3 He heals the broken hearted  and 

      Binds up their wounds

7.  Sing to the Lord with joyful praise;

      Make music to our God on the harp.

      

As those  in the United States celebrate Thanksgiving this week the concept of a day or time set aside to give thanks resonates with people around the world. In Nigeria most churches have their annual  thanksgiving services and programmes between November and December.  Whatever the case I believe it is good to look back as the year gradually comes to an end and give thanks to God for His blessings this year.

For a widow or someone who has lost a loved one within the year this may be a very difficult time. Is there really anything to be thankful for? Some people who have suffered loss are just coming to terms with their loss and many times don't feel up to all the merriment and excitement. This is understandable and if you are in that place in your grief journey where you can't do thanksgiving or other festivities it is okay and normal. The loss of a loved one is not something you get over easily but thankfully you will eventually get past the shock, nagging pain and grief . 

My advise to people in this situation is not to try to do things or be part of celebrations just because that is the norm. Do what you feel up to and what you can handle. If you want a quiet low key celebration then so be it. But if you think being alone will make it worse you could find out from family or  friends if you can spend sometime with them or invite someone you know might need company over. If you still have children at home,  make sure you involve them in your decisions and plans and also consider what will be best for them and what they would like to do. 

The problem sometimes is that you may be disappointed if someone you ask declines for one reason or the other. The fear of this makes us withdraw from asking. If those you ask cant make it, don't take it personal or think they don't want to be with you.  It might be because they already have something lined up. After being widowed I reached out to some widows knowing they would understand me some responded and we are friends today. 

If you have gone past the one year or two year mark since losing your loved one and you are still struggling with holidays and celebrations especially thanksgiving Its probably because holidays are usually family time so having a family that is not complete is usually difficult but you need to make deliberate efforts and take definite steps towards being able to be part of the holidays and enjoy them.  It then becomes a choice you have to make . A choice to be thankful.  

The hymn writer wrote' count your blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord  has done. ' I can assure you that if you look back to January this year you will find that you have so much to be thankful for. When I am faced with situations where I want to complain and lament I begin to speak out and say things like 'Lord this is hard but You are good, I am struggling with being thankful because I miss my husband so much and i just want him back. But I know you love me and you have been good, I know your thoughts and plans toward me are of good not of evil. Help me Lord to love you and thank you, I am thankful for........' I go on to think of things God has done then thank Him for them. For me it helps get me to a place where I really am grateful. Sometimes I speak through tears but it helps. God has kept my children and I alive and in good health, they are all in school, our bills are being paid, I have family, friends and church folk who have been great. God has shown up in some tight situations so I am truly grateful. Today as the year comes to an end my heart is filled with genuine thanks to my God.

One of the reasons to give thanks in verse 3 of our passage is because God heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. You can give him thanks for that. Thank Him because He will heal your heart. Thank Him in anticipation because you know He will make your  tomorrow alright.  Thanksgiving shifts your focus from your grief or challenges and focuses it on God who is big enough to take care of whatever comes your way. It also touches the heart of God when you can thank Him in the storm and causes  Him to rise up on your behalf to do great things in your life.

Trusting God in Tragedy

Psalms 9:7-10

The Lord reigns forever,he has established His throne for judgement.

He will judge the world in righteousness,

He will govern the peoples with justice.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,

A stronghold in times of trouble.

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord,

have  never forsaken those who seek you.

I had barely settled down  in my office on Monday last week (10th November) when one of my colleagues asked if I had heard that a certain motivational preacher had died. I walked over to him to find out who it was. He was online and there on his computer was the breaking news Dr. Myles Munroe and his wife had been killed in a plane crash on Sunday. A number of their ministry team and the crew also died this includes their youth pastor, his wife,son ad unborn child. I was shocked to say the least. I have never met Dr. Munroe in person but over the years I have been blessed by his books and  messages  on TV so it felt like I knew him. I was saddened at the great loss not just to the body of Christ but the world given the nature  and impact of his ministry. We were still coming to terms with the tragic loss of Dr. Munroe and his team when a crazy demonized terrorist walked into the assembly of a school in Yobe State and detonated a bomb killing himself and about 58 innocent children and injuring many. The town of Mubi had been attacked a few days earlier and residents murdered in cold blood. Before the week ended 2 other suicide bombers killed themselves and others.Then other towns or villages were attacked  by Boko Haram.  All these tragic events within a week!

The nagging question is 'Where is God in all of this and why does He allow so much pain and tragedy? Why should a man like Myles Munroe who dedicated his life to preaching and teaching God's word and who tried to make the world a better place be killed so suddenly and so tragically.  What of the children that went to school that morning and ended up dying so tragically. I think of their parents, those in hospitals battling for their lives and those who  lost limbs.etc. I think of Dr. Munroe's children, family, friends and church and how much grief they are experiencing. My intention is not to paint a gloomy picture and make us feel sad and downcast. Rather to remind us that tragedies are real and they come to one and all at some time in this journey of life. When it comes it is devastating and life altering.

The fact that we are Christians or 'good' doesn't exempt us from tragedy. A look through the Bible will reveal that many who walked with God experienced tragedies and loss. Death is an all time enemy of man. whether it comes early or late in the lives of our loved ones or  if it comes  through accidents, crashes sickness or just cold blood murder it hurts deeply and we regard it as tragic. Worse still the perpetrators of such evil like the bomb attacks seem to go unpunished and they carry out such acts with wanton impunity. This can lead to much pain, anger and bitterness. It brings to mind questions  about life,death , God, faith and trust. Many are tempted to ask if God is still in control and if He is worth trusting. 

Today's scripture offers comfort for times when life doesn't make sense. It assures us that God is a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble.  It says those of us who know him should TRUST Him. Why? Because he has never and will ever forsake those who seek him. To a heart that is broken and grieving this may sound like just talk or religion but it is the truth. Nothing takes God unawares and He loves us and is in control regardless of what life throws at us. He is mindful of our pain and is touched by it.While we may not understand all the evil we see we can trust a just and perfect God to bring us through the tragedies of life including the loss of loved ones. He will  restore us and give us a reason to go on.  Psalm 73 is a good example of the fact that God is mindful of evil and will judge all of it. 

The Bible encourages not to mourn as those without hope this is because death  is not the end. For those who die in Christ they have only gained heaven. Apostle Paul says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Yes the separation is painful but it's not forever we will spend eternity together.  Myles Munroe's son in addressing press conference said death is not final for Christians  and though they grieve they are not hopeless because they know their parents and  the others are with the Lord.  What a glorious hope! Oftentimes we see only the present but  God sees the big picture. Our lives on earth now are less than a fragments of what they will be in eternity. The beauty is that it will be free of death , evil, sorrow and tragedy! Life is a gift that has a time frame attached to it but eternity is endless.

 I can assure you that God is worth trusting in tragedy.  When my husband died so suddenly I thought my life had ended. Today God has brought me a long way.  His work in all areas of my life is amazing. I never thought I would be joyful or life would have meaning but God has done that and more. I admit there  are days I just long for my husband and i still miss him so much.  Other times i struggle with the pain of losing him. But God has been faithful and i have determined to live life to the max doing what God left me here to do so i keep pressing more into God and moving on with life. According to Myles Munroe the greatest tragedy of life is not death but a lack of vision. God is saying something to you even though you have experienced tragedy don't let the vision in your heart die. Everyday you live is for a purpose. If you allow God help you He will use you to walk with others through tragedy  and what a blessing it will be for you and them. God never ends on a negative He always ends on a positive. Look up with hope He sees,He knows,He cares and He brings treasures ad triumph from every tragedy.

An Inheritance for who? 3

So sorry i couldn't post on Monday last week. i was away on a training.

Here's the concluding part of the post. 

You are blessed!

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children …

Proverbs 13: 22a

Is a widow less human than others? Does the loss of a spouse mean the end of a widow’s life? Take it from me; losing your husband does seem like the end. But if a widow can through the help and grace of God work through her grief to a place where she can function well as a member of the society, live a fulfilled life and contribute to her chosen field of endeavour or her community positively should she be stopped? Why must a woman be accused of killing her husband but even if a man physically kills his wife, he is left to go scout free?  Is it because the wife belongs to him she is one of his properties and he can do as he pleases with her? Why must we hold on to the negative and retrogressive customs and beliefs? No wonder Africa is referred to as the ‘Dark Continent’. It’s not about the colour of our skin but the darkness of some of our practices. Why is it okay for a man to wait for his brother’s death so he can inherit? Why shouldn’t he work for his own? When a man gives birth to children shouldn’t he take care of them or make provisions for them? If a man’s brother inherits all he has what of the children that came out of his loins? Why is it not right for a widow or a man’s children inherit what he has but it is okay for a brother and even some distant relation to do so?

The Bible is very clear a GOOD MAN leaves an Inheritance not only for his children but his grand children! Yet many who perpetrate these evils against women call themselves Christians and many have positions and titles in the church. Is it wrong for a man to be man enough to make adequate arrangements for his family’s upkeep? Is it a sin to build your home in your joint names? Should a man exchange vows with a woman before God and man and then fail to cherish, protect and love her? If a man can give his body over and over again to a woman why can he not trust her with his money? She bears his children meets his physical, emotional and social needs and if he dies she has to raise his children all by herself. Knowing this why do men fear taking steps that will leave their families comfortable? No woman marries a man expecting him to die we all want to live with our husbands till old age. The emotional pain and grief a woman go through when her husband dies cannot even be imagined by those who have not passed through it so why afflict her further.

What many fail to realize is that a lot of these women build up whatever the man has together with him, making sacrifices and contributing their own resources, they encourage him, advise him and pray for him. When he doesn’t have they ‘soak garri’ and eat happily yet he places his brother who knows nothing about how the money is made above his wife and children. Even if a man’s brother is a partner in his business he is only entitled to his own share. I make bold to say that sometimes the same people accusing the wives of killing the man are the real culprits and in a bid to clear their tracks they accuse the wife.

Having said all this and asked so many questions I believe I should attempt to answer some of these questions as I bring this three part post to an end. Is it okay to accuse a woman of killing her husband when there is nothing to substantiate such claims? No! Is it okay for a man’s brothers or relations to take all he has when he dies leaving nothing for his wife and children? No! Must a widow live a defeated poverty stricken and sorrowful life as a proof of her innocence and love for her husband? No! Should people insist on clinging to the negative, retrogressive and dehumanizing practice of accusing widows of killing their husbands? No! Should a man make provisions for his family while alive? Yes! Should a wife and children inherit what their husband /father left? Yes! Does a widow deserve to simply live again and make the most of the life God has given her? Yes! Does a woman have value as an individual? Yes! Should she be recognized and allowed to function as a distinct individual created in the image and likeness of God for good works? A definite Yes!

If you have suffered unjustly commit all to God because ‘He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice….’ Deut 10: 18.  Whether you have been a victim of this unfortunate practice or not, each one has a role to play by standing up and speaking out for what is right in our families and communities. The post may have ended for now but my resolve to do whatever I can to put an end to this and other negative practices is strengthened. I hope you will decide not to sit on the fence and let evil thrive but do something. Anything from prayer to being an advocate will count.